Home?

I have spent the past month and a half in my new home; Waldheim Saskatchewan. Life changes fast. I am learning to see home in a new sense. Home is a mindset; you can long for the past and ruin the future. You are where you are. Make the best of it. Miss it, allow yourself to grieve at times, but only looking back turns you to salt. You loose effectiveness. Who is my family? Who are my friends? Wait and see; “10 years from now I’ll tell you ‘I told you so'”.

I will actively wait on God. He has been faithful and will be faithful. He knows the mountains I walk.

journey

So, many of you know that I went on a trip to Europe last fall. I had intentions of writing a blog of my adventures as I was going along… NOPE. Too busy for that. What I did do however, was a dabble of journaling.

I have been in the reflective mood as of late, so I picked through a few pages of the journal. In doing so, I came upon the first entry, the one I want to share with you all. I wrote this September 17, 2014, four days before my flight left to London. This is a lesson I have been continuously learning, but as my Uncle Dan says “you don’t know where you are, till you been where you been”.


“I’m done work, got a short time before I leave on my big adventure. Nervous, anxious, excited, scared… all taking turns rising to the top, in no particular order… I watched a travel vlogger the other day (don’t remember her name), she said something profound… “Don’t travel with intentions of arrival, you miss the journey in between.” Life has brief seasons of contentment that seem to be harried by our insatiable desire to cross things off of lists… Go travel, get a girlfriend, get married, get a job, have kids, get them walking, etc. etc…. When we live life crossing things off of lists we often miss the journey of everyday life. We stop viewing things/circumstances as adventures and look at them as obstacles. I’m no saint; I struggle with contentment all the time! I view myself as incomplete; “If I only had a girlfriend… or a better job… or a cooler car…”. This is not living. It is time to start living life without an estimated time of arrival. Your ‘now’ is the best ‘now’ you have. Make plans, be proactive, but don’t be so focused on the dream that you forget to wakeup.

As I embark on this journey, I want to travel without arrival in mind. I am going to soak it all up. I am going to try living like life is a journey.”


In reflection, this first entry was prophetic to my two month experience. I had so many random conversations with the coolest people, getting lost but not really lost, or my classic “This is the wrong train, oh well/This is the wrong city, oh well” moments. I met strangers who became friends, I rode transit (yay, small town Canada), I walked 300 km’s (170 km in Spain), I spent 80 Euros on a seafood dinner, I pooped my pants on top of a Pyrenees mountain because of the seafood dinner, I hiked in the Alps, swam in the Mediterranean, called the cops because I saw a floating hand in a river in Zurich (just a glove), ate frog legs in London, looked for an honest cup of coffee in Amsterdam (turns out a coffee shop in Amsterdam is much different than the coffee shops I am familiar with… drugs, drugs, drugs), and I didn’t get stabbed in any country, which is a good goal to have.

Even in all of this, I learn slowly and forget quickly, I revert to my default settings. I need to keep learning to live faithful to the day. I keep struggling with contentment and wanting to see the “Big Picture”, but I’m missing the journey in between.

I know I’m not the only one. If your like me, relax, give yourself a break, get rid of those lists for a day and live a little!

Thanks for reading!

Gazuntite,

Owen Brandt

introduction

Hey! I’m new to this sport.

I guess I should explain my purpose for this page.

First, I want a page that I can express my passions/thoughts more thoroughly than Facebook and other mediums offer. I find Facebook to be overcrowded (like its a performance), this is a sleek way of offering my introverted heart to heart side to get its wiggles out.

Second, I want those who care about me to be able to follow along with my life (the digital ‘how ya doin’ card). I want to keep you up to date with my life!

I will rant, I will rave. I will spill out all the gushy emotional stuff. I like to write poems and songs. I am a Christian, so I am going to write about my faith (included in the rants and raves). I love a good controversy. Politics. Social-Justice Issues. etc.

I will try to keep the “dear diary” to a minimum, but I wont shy away from expressing how I feel/think at the time. This is not a performance, I fully expect you to disagree with some of the posts I have. I want to enter into dialogue with my readers. Know that I am in progress, I have not “arrived” with my beliefs and views. I disagree with myself most of the time.

Feel free to comment, and thanks for reading!

Owen Brandt.

heart ache

Short breaths. Hot anger and panic. Frustration with my circumstance.

At arm’s reach I push myself. I want to see things burn.

I want things to change.

Gut in a knot with a dull bone ache; issues with contentment, “never here, never near”.

My over dramatic imagery to express the pain of never being loved. Or what I perceive to be love.

Again, I’m doing it again…

Am I closing my eyes to the love around me?

Am I pushing opportunity aside so I can stay bitter?

Am I only motivated by the eyes of a pretty girl?

Ugh.

Pity? Pity me?

No, but please have sympathy. I am not myself, I am not who I want to be.

A shadow who stares in a mirror.

While I try to stay the happy son, I still will stare at gray. I should move on and suck it up, but this cloud won’t go away.

Chill. Take a breath.

Be still. Be still and. Be still and know.

My strength will fail me and my feet will falter, but in my weakness I will be lifted up.

My rock and fortress, Lord help me to let go.

(Not a Frozen reference. Those who say it is a Frozen reference, I will attack with the furry of 1000 suns).